This post is in response to the article posted on Thought Catalog entitled Date Someone Who Treats You Like Shit. Give it a read, or not, as the title basically describes the entire premise of the article.
I am here to tell you to disregard everything the author of that piece has to say. She clearly doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Never, ever date anyone that treats you like shit. Date someone that treats you like royalty. Now, I don’t have a ton of experience with the fuckboys of the world, (confused on what a fuckboy is? Read my piece on how to spot one here.) but I can tell you that I’ve talked to enough and consoled my friends after being left in pieces by enough to know at least a little bit of what I’m talking about.
First of all, this article is extremely misleading and ignorant. Who are you to say that toxic relationships are okay because “eventually you’ll learn from them”? Please sit down and chat with the battered wives, the children with absent parents, the teenage girls struggling with self esteem issues from constantly being put down. Please do not pretend that choosing a partner that treats you like shit is totally rational and okay, because it isn’t. At all.
While any sort of fucked up (for a lack of better words) relationship is absolutely going to make you stronger in the end, do not try and seek it out. Don’t listen to the author and date someone that treats you like shit “for the experience”. The experience is invaluable. You are only going to be left hurt, having wasted your time. Do not give them that satisfaction; they do not deserve any amount of your time.
Every single person on this planet is deserving of another human being that treats them like royalty. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or where you came from; your love, devotion, and time is extremely valuable. You are beautiful. You are strong, smart, and unique. You deserve someone to tell you when you look good, to respond to your texts, to trust with your heart. You deserve someone that isn’t going to let you down on a consistent basis. Do not accept anything less than what you deserve. EVER. Not even “for the experience”.
There are few worse sentiments than being let down. Everyone knows that feeling– when your heart drops because someone didn’t follow through on their promises, when someone else makes you feel like you’re not good enough, when you question every move you make just to be sure it’s the right one. In any relationship, you deserve to feel secure. You deserve to feel loved. You deserve to know that your partner values you and your time.
You will learn what you want through trial and error. Yes, you will make mistakes. At least once in your life, you will probably spend a lot of time and energy on someone that makes you feel like shit. But once you realize it, learn from them. Do not continue to subject yourself to their bullsh*t because you’ll eventually learn from it. Take the leap now and never look back.
I am writing this piece for my younger siblings. For my parents and little cousins and the kids that I babysit. For the people who eventually will begin dating and learning what they want out of a relationship. For those who have already been around the block, who inherently thought that the author of that piece was an absolute idiot for turning their heartbreak into some sort of adventurous experience. I am writing this because I don’t want anyone to get it in their head that it’s “cool” or “fun” or “adventurous” to date someone that treats you like shit. It’s not. I’ve watched far too many friends go down the path of “but I’m the only one that understands them like that” or “it’s just too hard to let go”. Do it. Let go. Because I am telling you, it’s the best decision you’ll ever make.
Once you find someone that treats you like royalty, you’ll know what I’m talking about. You’ll know what you deserve and how you should feel around your partner. You’ll realize that the time you spent trying to impress those fuckboys was wasted, and could have been better spent with someone so much better, or even yet, by yourself.
I’m not going to claim to know it all. I don’t. I’m not even close to an expert on love or relationships or even people in general. But what I do know is my own experience. I know that when you find someone that treats you the way you deserve to be treated, you will know. And you will never, ever go back to anything less. Or let the ones you love do the same.