So the other day I had this complete mental breakdown about how I have absolutely no friends at college. Picture me bawling in the middle of the kitchen while my mother attempts to prepare dinner, my brothers passing through confused as to why I possibly would be crying AGAIN and my father questioning why in the world he ever had a daughter in the first place. That’s basically how it went. But through my self deprecation and my mom’s pep talks, my dad made a really compelling point. He said that I have high standards for friendships and because I have not been meeting those standards, I have become frustrated.
It’s not that I expected to go to college and find my best friends right away, but I did kind of expect to have a few people I enjoyed spending time with. And at first, I really thought I did. Long story short, some people are not who you think they are. Some days, it feels like my only friends are the ones from home and my parents. And yeah, I eat A LOT of my meals alone in the dining hall. I tell my friends at home how crazy the parties are at the #2 party school when in reality I struggle to find people to go out with in the first place. There are days where I feel so incredibly lonely. To be honest, it really, really sucks. I feel like nobody tells you about the possibility of this happening. You see these pictures on Instagram and Facebook of everyone with their “new friends” having the greatest time in the world and wonder what’s wrong with you and why you aren’t making any of those awesome friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I know you’re not going to make good friends in 4 months. It’s just not how things work. The fantastic friendships I have from high school took FOUR YEARS to develop. There’s no way I could build relationships of the same quality in only a few months. My dad was right, I do have high standards. I expect that my friends will be there for me when I need them and turn to me when they need help as well. I want people that I can go out and have a good time with but also call up at 2 am when my feelings are just a mess. I want friends that want to spend time with me and like me for who I am. And I would much rather have no friends at all than a million friends that don’t meet these standards. I spent too much time in high school with people that couldn’t care less about me and I am NOT about to repeat that mistake again. But I also would really like some friends. That would be nice.
However, and this is the hardest concept for me to grasp, it takes a while to build these relationships. You don’t just develop great friendships overnight. It takes someone reaching out to the other, asking to go out and do things, the possibility of rejection, and a whole lot of time. Waiting isn’t easy, nor is the thought of rejection. But they’re crucial to building strong relationships, and in the end, that’s what I want.
Through writing this post, I got to air out some of my feelings that I’ve had bottled up for a long time. I also hope that there are people out there going through the same thing that can be comforted by knowing they’re not alone. I know it takes time and patience, but I am going to continue to hold my friends and potential ones to those high standards because I believe that someday, I will have friends at college that I couldn’t imagine a day without.