My Family’s Burning Questions This Holiday Season, Answered

In light of the holidays coming up and the fact that I will be seeing tons of family (some I haven’t seen since I left for school), I decided to put together a little Q & A with myself to answer everyone’s favorite questions to ask when college students are home for the holidays.

Q: Do you have a boyfriend?

A: You’re going to have to talk to my supervisor about that one. And by my supervisor, I mean my dad.

A: Yes I actually fell in love this semester! With myself. It’s super cool actually.


Q: So what do you plan to do with that major?

A: Ideally, start a pineapple farm in Costa Rica, but if that doesn’t pan out I’m sure I’ll just find a mediocre job somewhere here in the U.S.

A: Good question, what do you do with YOUR major?


Q: How is school going?

A: I drown myself in my own tears approximately once a week but really, it’s going great!

A: My professor is a conceited asshole that’s not actually good at teaching but isn’t that just how they are in college sometimes?

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Q: How are your grades this semester?

A: Next question.


Q: How’s the roommate situation going?

A: Honestly, probably way better than your roommate experience went, but I still live in a 14×14 foot space with another human and so these next few weeks I am going to cherish my alone time.

A: She probably thinks I’m a lazy piece of shit because she makes coffee, watches an episode of her show on Netflix, goes for a run, and goes to class all before I wake up in the morning, but that’s fine with me.


Q: How’s the food there?

A: I am literally counting down the days until I no longer have a meal plan and can cook for myself.

A: I’m still alive and not dying of starvation I guess?


Q: Can you help me with my iPhone/computer/any piece of technology?

A: I basically live under a rock these days so unless it’s a super simple solution, I’m just as clueless as you are.

A: You should probably ask [insert sibling’s name here]! I heard (s)he’s really good with that kind of stuff! (then proceed to laugh from across the room as the victimized sibling glares at you)


Q: When can we come visit you?

A: I don’t even have a futon so a dorm bed will have to do but I would absolutely love it if you came and visited me!



Q: Do you like being away from home?

A: Yeah it’s fun, but I’ve really gained an appreciation for home cooked meals. So can you please pass the potatoes for my third helping because I’m just taking this all in while I can.

A: One time I was sick and laid in bed all day and only got up twice and that was only to go to the bathroom and nobody was there to tell me to stop being so lazy! It was fabulous!


Q: What have you been up to lately?

A: Well, in my limited free time I generally enjoy watching Netflix and doing absolutely nothing.

A: I’m poor as shit so I don’t really get out much. But when I do choose to splurge, it’s usually on a $4 cab ride to go home and watch Netflix and do nothing.

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No but seriously, things are going great if you can’t tell already. My grades are actually awesome and I’m very interested in the classes I’ve been taking. I love school for the most part and it’s wonderful that my family is interested in what I have been up to these last few months.  I hope you enjoy my sassy, sarcastic answers to your burning questions, though. I’ll be here all month.

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